Covid-19 A Losing Hand
Have you ever lost a game of blackjack?
You just won, you feel on top of the world as the chips are stacking on your side. An Ace and a 10 — BlackJack! You ride the high of winning again, then suddenly hand after hand, loss after loss, your chips disappear. You have lost your money, one more game, one more withdrawal and you lose again.
I once watched a boxing coach of mine, in front of my eyes lose his savings in a game of cards. He was convinced that if he kept playing, doubling down, he would win. The odds of losing 8 hands in a row in blackjack is 52.51%. He lost 28 rounds, my wife and I were out $200 after the first 10 rounds. His wife cried, he cringed his fist in anger as he lost his family mortgage payment.
I never gambled after that night, at least I didn’t think I did.
When I decided to open my own business everyone discouraged me, my mom, my dad even my wife. We had arguments into the night. I was chasing a dream, I was chasing a pot of gold. They loved me and didn’t understand I was chasing to be happy, I was chasing to make others healthy and happy. I yelled and screamed. I worked 15 years of my life in misery, I deserve to be happy, I deserve to have a job I love, I deserve to help at least one person a day. I would work harder than I have ever worked to help that one person a day.
I didn’t look at it as a gamble, everyone else around me did. I was told 20% of new businesses fail during the first two years of being open, 45% during the first five years and 65% during the first 10 years. I beat the odds of BlackJack with my business. I wasn’t only betting money, I was betting on myself. Year number 5, I was on track to have the best year of business in my life, not only that, I was happy, I was helping people, I was making a little money doing it. I was content.
When a business fails you don’t just lose your salary, you also lose thousands of dollars with every month it stays open. In the time of Covid-19 where you are forced out of business, it is a losing hand. I tried to explain this to an employee when I was notified today that our business was closing again, a losing hand, out of our control. She didn’t understand. She is smart, but when it comes to business she is as naive. Forced closed, yet overhead expenses of rent, insurance, electricity, internet, client management software, taxes, business licensing fees, cleaning supplies, all due, month by month.
I gambled on myself, yet I have never felt such failure that is out of my control than I felt on March 18th and July 13th. I have failed so many times in my life, each I could see where I went wrong, what I could have done better. Then came a storm of a natural beast. A virus, a coronavirus. Politics aside you can’t argue arbitrary decisions have not been made. The little guys have been punched in the face. Yes the sick and the 1% has also been kicked in the ass and kicked to their death. There is no winners here, after all how much is a life worth? I will not get political, but I will also not mask myself in defeat of humans.
I shut the doors to my gym, but not my business. I am strong. I will always be a coach. I will always be more than 52.51%. I am a winning hand. In these dark times, in my mind, everything is cluttered, it is dark but I trust the extra 47.49% of my mind will win!
I will not go and play blackjack, that is just an analogy, but I will continue to play life, I will continue to bet on myself 100% of the time. Each failure is a step in the right direction, a step towards success.
I am a fighter, I have been a fighter my entire life. I have dropped to my knees with punches to my face, breaking my nose, cracking my head and splitting it open to bleed. I have also landed those same blows over and over again, stood in victory, felt anguish for my opponent bleeding at my feet, felt the feeling of knowing I will survive, I am strong. I am healthy. This is the feeling I want for everyone I coach. I don’t want them to live a life in fear of anything or anybody. We all can get knocked out and get back up.
I have learned that fear doesn’t get me anywhere, I write this to wash away my fear, to put my mind straight. I have felt the wrath of mother nature, not to this extent during Covid-19, but I remember just last year, running through rain, hail, mud and cold. Pushing my endurance, pushing my strength, wanting to quit, minute by minute, but refusing to give in. 50 miles to the finish line. When People talked about that race they talk about how miserable it was. To me it was god’s miracle, it was the earth’s beauty challenging myself every step I took. It reminded me that not only am I a human, but I am an animal, an animal in gods kingdom. I don’t have control of it, nor do you, nor does our government. It can be feared or it can be embraced as part of our journey, our journey through a beautiful yet challenging life and eventual death.
